Originally published at diaper bag princess. You can comment here or there.
Dear Cary:This month feels like it's gone by in a flash. It seems like hardly any time ago that you were just my little four month old who didn't know how to sit on his own. Here we are, twice that age, and you can sit by yourself, and are very much enjoying standing. While sitting on my knee, if you are holding onto my hands you can pull yourself into standing position.
Crawling, on the other hand, seems to confound you and you just won't do it. True to new-mom form, I'm feeling a little anxious about this. Why won't you crawl? You're content to lay there in what we affectionately refer to as "baby skin rug" pose. You'll lay there for hours, crying if necessary, but you just won't make any effort to get up and crawl. You can hold yourself in crawl position: we try it daily. But to get you to actually go is a completely different matter.
Eating is going very well. You've graduated to two-or-three ingredient meals including ones with turkey or beef. I was the same way when I was little. When I was done with single ingredient meals I was DONE and I was ready for meat. You're a good eater and love your vegetables. Happily you accept three meals per day as well as nursing in between any of those, though, love, I will admit that it's a little hard on Mamas boobs. As in they are always bursting at the seams. This doesn't seem to bother you at all, and you take it in stride.
About two weeks ago we got family portraits done and you needed your first hair cut. I thought I'd cry about it, but you looked like such a little hobo that I was utterly desperate for you to get a hair cut. It was long and stringy, and with your penchant for screaming nonsensically accompanied by your lack of teeth, you truly resembled a hobo. To see you with prunes smeared from eyebrow-to-chin completed your vagrant look, and while you were adorable, it was a touch unsettling.
We have seen your first two teeth. You are one of those kids I said you were going to be. The kind that sit there and drool and pretend to get teeth for months and then end up with two in one sitting. Your two bottom teeth have appeared happily, and you mow your way through Cheerios, pickles and the tender flesh of my body. Not only bitten in the boob, but you've bitten my nose and chin on two separate occasions.
You have learned to "dance" in the cutest baby way I have ever seen. Watching the old Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer, you sat on the couch with a Baby Mum Mum cracker in one hand, and when the adorable, ancient characters burst into their tiny songs of delight and charm for Christmas day, you wiggled back and forth and bopped your head along with the songs. It's the sweetest thing I have ever seen.
We are in full swing of celebrating your first Christmas. I even wrote to Santa on your behalf, and am waiting for a reply to add into your baby book. You've been such a good boy, though, that I'm sure you will be spoiled rotten.
I love you so much, my sweet Cary Love.
Mama.
Originally published at diaper bag princess. You can comment here or there.
I moved the booklet away from my bed because it was keeping me awake with night. I have become rather skilled at writing in the dark and my handwriting, though a tad childlike, is still extremely legible despite the 1AM scrawls. I was getting upset, though. It was causing me to think, and re-think, and think some more about things. Not bad things, just things that I needn't be considering that much. It's been hard. I also am too lazy to actually get up, now, to get a piece of paper and write down these things, thus, I have been left with this lovely little conundrum.
I don't really have a point to this today. See, this is what happens when I don't have anything to say. I ramble on and on and on about nothingness and I'm sure it annoys the ever loving living daylights out of everyone.
I guess I can point out some of the new things I've got on the blog now...
I've changed the navigation because it was getting too long. And I had wanted to add more stuff, so I found this sweet CSS menu.
Under the "This Girl" section, formerly "About", you can still find information about yours truly, but now have access to a plethora of more information, such as Frequently Asked Questions. Who doesn't love FAQ's? This one is neat because you, yes YOU, get to drive that machine and send me your questions that I will answer/post some kind of response to. Unless it's about bags of toenails or pictures of me without any clothes on. Something I was piddling around with before I took my "vacation" was the Library. See what drivel I have been reading :) Also added a bit of a gallery because I am just far too cheap when it comes to buying a pro account on Flickr. I have the space here, why not use it?
The rest of the stuff you have access to was accessible previously, just re-categorized.
Something I know I've talked about 49583 times is opening an etsy store. Well, this time I actually have ideas, patterns, products and have been researching branding, fonts, information and such to actually open the shop. So, Diaper Bag Princess is now on etsy. I currently do NOT have any items listed, as I have recently become a bit more busy with life things, and while I don't have the same time to dedicate to this that I had before, I am still going to give it my all to get this little guy up and running by the end of January, 2010. I will definitely keep everyone posted about what's going on with that...I don't even know if anyone cares or not, but this is a huge thing for me. I'm always so afraid of failing at these things that I end up full of ideas and never take it any farther. I'll see how this goes, if there's any success whatsoever, and then I have plans for opening a second store for horse things. That, however, is completely dependent on how DBP goes. If it's really dead I won't bother going ahead with it, and if DBP is really busy (which I doubt, but you never know!) then I won't either, because I won't have time. It's also a secret right now as to what exactly is going on with it ;) But I do promise to keep those interested parties in the loop when there are things to know!
In whatever spare time (read: that time when I have no work to do and I can't sleep) I can find, I've been clacking away at a silly novel called Undying Love: a Zombie Romance It's fromage to the tenth degree, but it's funny too. Not Shaun of the Dead funny but...well, lame-funny I guess. It's still in its infancy and is only, like, three chapters long so far. I'll post some snippets of the cheese-factory when I'm more comfortable and in depth with the story. Maybe you'll like it, maybe you'll think it's the worst thing in the world. Either way, it's something that I've wanted to do since I've been about seventeen years old (write a full-length novel) and it's something that's on my life list to accomplish.
I've been feeling a lot better these past two days as well, after MAKING myself get up and MAKING myself get out of the house. It's so depressing to sit around and do nothing!
Originally published at diaper bag princess. You can comment here or there.
My depression has been incredible this past month. Like, gut wrenching, heart hammering, brain numbingly awful. Many days I spent in bed for a good long time, consuming cup after cup of caffeinated beverage in an attempt to jump start my life. Isn't this the exact opposite reason I had for going on this break? That I didn't want to feel like proverbial crapola, and take my life by the reins?
It got so bad again that I was thinking about what it'd be like to just go to sleep and not wake up. I just couldn't stop thinking how awesome that would be; I would no longer be in a loveless marriage to Zoloft and that I would finally feel like I wasn't falling behind the pack. It's terrible to think like that, and I am aware of this. I so desperately want to be normal again that I had to institute, and recently, a new set of life hacks for myself. I just love that term, life hack, don't you? It's like you can fix yourself a little bit at a time.
Exercise. I need it and I don't get it. This past month, with the horrendous snowfall has left me feeling shut in and emotionally crippled. I feel like I can't carry on a normal conversation about anything with anyone. My growth is stunted in my brain and I've often felt like a failure in life. Three - four weeks feeling that way is no way to live, and I don't encourage people with depression to try to fix it themselves. I'm at a point, though, where I don't have a choice. I can sit around and feel like shit for the rest of my life, or I can accept that my life is going to include a pill once a day, and that I am going to have to do a little more than hope that it works. I'm so over hoping that it makes me sick to taste the word in my mouth. I can't hope and I just need to DO. Even if it means braving the freezing cold with my son strapped to my back.
My baby has teeth. There's really no other way to segway into it than just to come out and say it. Teeth. Two bottom teeth, cute and unsuspecting until he bites on your finger. Coinciding with this blessed event is his inability to sleep more than 40 minutes in a given stretch - even at night. Night has become a series of naps with me getting up five-six-nine times during the night. He can't help it, poor little guy, and I truly feel bad for him. But I feel bad for me too. Last night was the first night he slept more than 40 minutes and I woke up with some seriously rock hard boobs because he hadn't nursed the daylights out of them the night before.
Baby is also loving food. He'll eat nearly anything. He's up to three big-boy meals a day and he nurses in between those times. He's enjoying feeding himself Cheerios, and has recently learned how to feed the dogs his food - except when it comes to toast. He's surprisingly strict when it comes to that.
Another lovely habit he has recently acquired is growling at me. He doesn't do it when he's mad or anything, so the only thing I can come up with is that he's learned it from the dogs, as they tend to growl at one another 9849503 times a day over everything.
I feel like my little "break" was wasted, but on the other hand it wasn't. I was able to actually get some gears in motion to accomplish one of my life list items. For real this time. I was able to sit and play with my son and be able to shut the computer off for a while and not have to think about it. My house didn't get cleaned, and it was apparent from the state of its disarray that it was clearly displaying the turmoil surging through my gut, but it doesn't matter. It got done today and for that I am proud.
Thank you.
What are you hoping to find under the tree this year?
What's the worst book you've ever read?
What would it take to get you to start a new life on a new world?
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If you could hang out with any movie character for a day, whom would you choose as your sidekick?
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What’s your favorite movie quote of all time?
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What one film do you think everyone should see?
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What's your guilty television pleasure?
